"Gone But Not Forgotten" - Tributes

Here are tributes to friends who are "gone but not forgotten."

REMEMBERING ERLENE WONG – A True Sweetheart and Friend

Wednesday, December 6, 2007
     Sweet.  Thoughtful.  Animated and engaging.  Impeccably dressed. 
     These are some words given by friends when asked, "What do you remember about Erlene?"
     The occasion for the reminiscing was a meeting at Kahala Mall by her club mates Liane "Chicky" (Loo) Yuen, Dr. Jan Hirakawa, and Lloyd Nakamura and me to prepare my remarks for her services.
     A generation ago we were summer fun leaders at Kaimuki-Waialae YMCA.  It was a time when we were young, in our first jobs (some paid, some volunteer) and enjoying summers supervising the activities of children while building a what would be a lifelong friendship.

     In that time in the early to mid seventies, we progressed from teens in clubs during the school year to summer fun leaders in the breaks between our high school and college years.  I remember first meeting Erlene as a very pretty and slim junior leader who was two years younger than me.  She was also a member of the club Essence, which was a group of pretty good volleyball players at the Y.  She would always be with Jan and I recently learned that they had the nicknames of "Chopstick" for Jan and "Toothpick" for Erlene.

     My memory of Erlene was during an incident when we were playing around the Y swimming pool in the evening of a steak fry-sleepover.  It was one of many times when we got playful and restless and started pushing everyone, still dressed in their shorts, t-shirt and tennis shoes (which is the "old school" term for todays crosstrainers, Nikes, etc.) into the swimming pool.  Of course, Erlene had to take a turn in the deep end.  Many of us were laughing at everyone splashing in the pool including Erlene, who was periodically bobbing her head above water.  When some of the laughter subsided, it seemed that Erlene was saying something as she surfaced and moved a little further down the middle of the pool. 

     Then Chicky yells out, "Erlene can't swim!"

     We then realized that Erlene was slowly bobbing up and down from the deep end of the pool, bouncing up to get air as she made her way to the shallow end.  She was probably trying to say, without causing anyone concern, "Please help me:  I can't swim," while probably thinking, "Hey, butt-heads, I'm drowning here!"

     People did rush over to help her out of the pool as we learned a lesson about her we would never forget. 

     On another occasion, and we couldn't remember why, but we think Erlene was sitting and leaning on the edge of a YMCA rubbish can and somehow slipped and fell inside so all you could see were her arms and legs dangling above it.  She was always one to make a definite impression.

     Another friend, Debbie Ogata-Arakaki remembers Erlene as a natural group leader who effortlessly entertained and endeared herself to the children in her care as she learned a lot about working with children by observing her.  And I remember her, towering above her pre-K and Kindergartners who lined up behind her like ducklings.  In fact when she wore a yellow outfit one day, I kidded her calling her "Big Bird" with her chicks.  Debbie's husband, Dr. Richard "Fumi" Arakaki said, "There was never a mean-bone in her," with Debbie adding, "Yeah, she was so different because the rest of us were 'edgy'."

     As we reminisced, Chicky, Jan and Lloyd who went to school with Erlene at Kalani High filled me in on what they remembered about Erlene during those years.  Jan and Erlene would write notes to each other practically every day and had their own code, kind of like kids have when going on line when parents or others who are uninvited peer over their shoulder.  Erlene played alto sax at Kaimuki Intermediate.  She would put out the clothes she would wear the next day along with her shoes and accessories.  And she would paint flowers on her nails, using toothpick to make the petals.

      Erlene would type on an old, black manual Underwood typewriter.  And, after college, Erlene moved to Japan to teach English through the YMCA.  She was also joined by another YMCA leader, Bryan Yamashita, who taught at a YMCA in a different part of Japan.

      She even lived for a while in Barcelona, Spain.  These experiences may have driven her to work as a flight attendant with Continental Airlines, travelling all over.   When I think about her as a flight attendant, I can imagine her to be a great deterrent to terrorists or hijackers.  I mean after seeing Erlene and her great smile, no one would have the heart to harm her or have your actions become a blemish on her flight.

     I also learned that Erlene was a window dresser with Shirokiya before becoming a concierge at the Ihilani Resort and Spa at Ko Olina.  That is where many of us caught up with her at our first YMCA leaders reunion in 2000.

     Some of us did not learn about Erlene's bout with cancer until a couple of years later when a group of us got together for brunch at the Willows.  She had a nice hat that shielded her hair growing back after chemotherapy. 

     I got together with Erlene at least three times after that:  once when she visited my boss' campaign headquarters in Waikele on Primary Election day in 2004, when she joined a get together at the Yamashita Castle in Kahala in 2005, and when Lloyd and I met her for lunch in Waikele shortly thereafter. 

     We tried to keep in touch with Erlene on a periodic basis to check on her progress, but after she had email problems, the only way we could get in touch with her was to call her at home or leave a message at work at Ihilani.  And whenever I called and got her voice mail, I would always fall for it because it sounded so much like she was talking to you.  It would go something like, "Hello (pause) sorry we're not home but please leave a message after the beep."

     And I would always, and I mean always start talking after hearing her say, "Hello," because I could never believe she would trick me because that would be so contrary to the innate goodness and genuineness she would project.

     Shaken.  Dumbfounded.  Shocked. 
     These are some of the reactions of friends when told that Erlene was no longer with us.  To pass on such news is the hardest thing to do as you absorb the reactions of those who hear it.  Lloyd experienced it with Helen Ushijima, our "mom" who was the secretary at the YMCA.  And I could hear it in the voices and read it in the email after I sent out the news through our network.
      One observation made by several friends was that it was really unfortunate that Erlene never got married or had children, because she always seemed the perfect life partner, wife and mother.

     But, you know what, I can imagine her so vividly in a better place, singing and making children happy, impeccably dressed, a beautiful smile, like the heroine in a Walt Disney movie.  And yet, when she leaves the children to be with our other friends who left us (Linda Harano, Lance Kagehiro, and James Martin), I can see her with a sassy motion, pulling off a beautiful hat, with her trademark shag cut from the seventies, shaking her hair back without discomfort as if to say, as in hair care commercial, "I'm worth it."

REMEMBERING LANCE KAGEHIRO

CLICK HERE for Sandy Fonseca's video tribute for Lance Kagehiro (when video appears, click on video to hear/see message)